Must be the Hormones

Friday August 8, 2008 ~ 37 weeks 5 days

Last night I couldn't sleep, darn belly really keeps me from getting comfortable since I had always been a stomach sleeper in the past, so I stayed up and read a book for a while. All the sudden I started to get really sad and mad all at the same time and just started bawling, not to mention it was 3:30 in the morning. Brian woke up and thought I was mad at him, defiantly not the case, I guess I was just hormonal and overwhelmed that we are going to start the next chapter of our CDH journey in 10 days! Of course Brian's reply was, "Well baby we have had 20 weeks to deal with this so why are you so upset now?" Not what I wanted to hear and it made me cry even more, and for the life of me I couldn't stop. Brian attempted to console me, but ended up falling back to sleep within minutes which I was glad since he was going to have a long day at work. So this morning I woke up with a "crying hangover" and had a horrible headache that was magnified by the fact that I had to sit through Safety Day at the hospital where I work.

Wednesday night was my last scheduled night to work on the floor at St. Francis, so I have all next week off to get some stuff done, aka packing before we head down to Kansas City. It is so bittersweet, I am going to miss everyone that I have been working with, and knowing that I am not going to go back after the little lady is out of the hospital really stinks. I am going to have to find a job as a nurse in Council Bluffs or Omaha so we can get new insurance that will let us do all of our follow-up appointments at Children's in Omaha since we will be only 45 minutes from there after we move. I wanted to stay on part-time in Maryville, but my insurance would only pay in Kansas City, so that would mean that I would be driving to Maryville to work (100 miles) and to Kansas City for follow-up appointments (200 miles) several times per month, which is so not feasible. If I could only convince my insurance company to let me do whatever I wanted to, that would be so much better but that is pretty much a fat chance!

The last couple days have been really nice, eating out to lunch with friends and doing CPR training and Safety Day have been a treat for the continuing cankles. Today I got a pedicure with my friend Kim from work and it was amazing. I am pretty sure that I could get my feet rubbed all day, even though I felt bad for the lady doing it since my ankles were so puffy, but she didn't seem to mind.

I had a doctors appointment today in Maryville with Dr. Feuerbacher, again everything looked pretty much the same as it has been. Weight- up, Cankles- swollen, Urine- protein, Blood Pressure- normal, Belly- big, Baby's heart rate- 130's. The only thing that was different this week is that I am actually measuring at 38 weeks, I don't really know what that means, hopefully it means that baby is swallowing the amniotic fluid better and that my level is lowered. Dr. F. checked my cervix and I am officially dilated to a 1, 40% effaced or thinned, and the cervix is soft. All in all he said that it was a "favorable cervix" for induction. I have voiced my concerns many times about induction with him, since the last thing I want is a c-section, but ultimately I will do whatever is best for my baby girl. He said that over the next week hopefully my cervix will continue to change and that come Monday the 18th everything will look good for a successful induction. I think he just doesn't want me to not be induced, come home and then go into labor and come to the Maryville hospital where he would have to deliver the baby if I was in active labor, (he didn't say that in so many words) but I promised that I wouldn't do that to him or my friends. I have an appointment with Dr. Golightly next Friday since Dr. Feuerbacher is going to be out of town to have my cervix checked again to see if we are making any progress, which I hope is the case. I really want to go to the induction in Kansas City dilated to a 2 or 3, thinking that will indicated that my body as at least beginning the labor process, instead of being induced and medications starting the labor process for me.

All in all I am super excited and nervous all at the same time. It seems like Brian and I have had so long to prepare for this and have been "ready" to get the baby the help she needs, but at the same time, we are so not "ready" to face all the unknowns. We are heading up to Iowa in the morning to finish up a few of the last projects, and it might be the last work weekend before the baby comes. I am going to post before and after pictures hopefully some time next week when I should be packing and cleaning and not at work. Sorry this post got so long....like I said...It must be the hormones. Thanks to everyone for the continued support, especially all of our friends in the community and the hospital. We have no idea how we would get through this without all the thought and prayers. Thanks again. Brian and Cassi