oops, forgot to tell the dogs

Okay, we must have forgot to tell the dogs that we were moving this weekend. Brian and I were taking down their pen this afternoon and they seemed very confused. We had their pen and houses loaded up and had to go to Brian's work and get a chain to pull the posts and Trigger must have thought we were leaving him behind because he chased us all the way to the corner of our land and finally stopped. Both he and Molly looked pretty relieved when we pulled back in the drive way a few minutes later.

Still on track to move this Saturday. I guess I am lacking motivation because I still haven't packed much. Okay I have not packed anything since before Elli was born. Shoot, I wish I was still nesting, I got so much done during that crazy week. I keep thinking that I will start any time, but it still hasn't happened. I guess that I will just wait for my family to come down and they can help me toss everything in boxes Saturday morning.

I went shopping with one of my close friends on Wednesday. Got a few house things, some new sheets for our beds, pillows for the new couch, and my bathroom stuff, well at least the shower curtain and some new towels to match. No luck yet on curtains. I "have" to get all new curtains and rods for every room. Went a few places, but didn't really see any that I had to have. Any suggestions for somewhere to get curtains and not have to take a 2nd on our house?

Still getting the "how you guys doing" question. I guess I am still breathing, standing, and fixing my hair, so I guess I am doing fine. But honestly how can I ever really be "fine" without Elli in my arms. Still struggling with this concept. My body (and my mind) keeps trying to tell me that I should be taking care of an almost 6 week old baby, but our house is silent with no baby in sight. I am having one regret, I wish that we would have contacted Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep NLMDTS, it is a non-profit photography service for bereaved parents. At the time, we didn't want to remember Elli after she passed away, we wanted to remember her with her eyes sparkling at the sight of her mommy and daddy. Now I really wish we would have had more pictures of her without all the tubes and wires. I was looking on the Internet last night at their work and it is not scary or gross (I thought at the time that it would be), they do it so tastefully in black and white and it is beautiful. I think that I just miss her and wish that I had more pictures to look at. I have a digital picture frame in my kitchen and I have stared at it for so many hours, I know what picture will be next.

Elli My Sweet~ We are moving sweetie, and you are going to be the easiest thing to pack, your memory travels with us everywhere we go. I know that you will be with us in our new house, bringing your warmth and spirit to it. I just wish you could physically be there with us, to feel the soft new carpet that we picked out just so you and daddy could play on the living room floor. Or to see the toy box that grandpa built so we could pick up all your toys when company came over, now we will just be putting blankets in it. I want to show you the room we painted for you, brown and pink, mommy's favorite colors right now. I want to show you everything sweet baby, but I know that you have already seen it all from heaven. It is going to be so hard to move into that new house without you, the only thing is that we will be closer to where you were laid to rest so I can stop and talk to you more, although I don't have to go there to talk to you, I do that everyday, everywhere. I am still so confused on why all this happened to you Elli. I wish that I had an answer, but know that I never will. So just give God a heads up, when I get there, it is going to be the 2nd thing I do, ask him simply..Why? What is the first you ask...why hold you in my arms and cover you in kisses, so he will probably have a good week or two before he gets my million dollar question, because it will take that long for me to put you down. Just remember Elli...Love leaves a Memory No One can Steal...I love you and miss you more every day. Daddy is so strong Elli, he is helping me so much, but he misses you so much too. We talk about you every day and thinking of all that you would have been makes us sad but also puts a smile on our face to think of you healthy, and perfect..free from pain and hurt. All the love in our aching hearts~ Mommy and Daddy

PS. we wont get the Internet for a while, so I will post new house pics as soon as we get the Internet back!...oh and sorry this was so darn long...oops